The Power Of Leaning Into Curiosity In Leadership With Dr. James Smith Jr.
Dr. James Smith Jr. is all about people; developing, empowering, energizing, motivating people. In our conversation, he shares some of his personal story with his typical upbeat, energizing and practical style. He talks about some of his experiences with his son as a teacher and some of the shifts he needed to make in himself, relying upon what he called his spiritual foundation. James shares the importance of listening. He shares a beautiful story of learning across cultures and the opportunities that can happen from being open to asking questions, using the power of curiosity. He often talks about "possibility thinking," as well as how vulnerability and authenticity are required of leaders in today's workplace.
As he says, leaders might get dirty leaning into this kind of listening, but leadership is not a beauty contest. We need to do it. Leadership is about inviting powerful conversations, and that means leaders need to let go of the need to be “right” and focus on being curious. He uses a beautiful metaphor about understanding what parts of ourselves are in our front seat, backseat and trunk as if our consciousness were a vehicle. The best leaders, he says, are the ones who are able to slide into the front seat with us to connect and build trust, which is in large part earned by sharing their own stories.
James reminds us that seeking a deep understanding of another with the intention of connecting and supporting is, in fact, a spiritual practice. And each such meaningful conversation creates safety. He also reminds us that we "make deposits" with each positive conversation with openness and curiosity. Finally, he encourages everyone to do what scares them the most, to jump every day, as a way to live life fully.
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The Power Of Leaning Into Curiosity In Leadership With Dr. James Smith Jr.
Welcome back to the show. I am very happy to share this next episode with my longtime friend and colleague, Dr. James Smith, Jr. James is based in Philadelphia. He is a personal leadership expert, an engaging and compelling speaker, an award-winning public speaker, a public speaking teacher, and a presentation skills expert. He’s a master motivator and culture changer.
He shares some of his personal story as always with his upbeat wise perspective, ever-positive, and ever-practical. He talks about some of his experiences with his son as a teacher, his son’s experience, being a dad towards his son, and shifts he needed to make in himself, relying upon what he called his spiritual foundation. He talks a lot about listening and the importance of listening. He shares a beautiful story of learning across cultures and the opportunity that can happen from being open to asking questions and the power of curiosity. He talks often about possibility thinking.
We spent a lot of time in this conversation talking about vulnerability and how authenticity and vulnerability are required of leaders in the workplace. Leaders might get dirty leaning into this kind of listening, but leadership’s not a beauty contest. We need to do it. The opportunity is for leaders to invite powerful conversations. That’s what leadership is, listening, learning, and not wanting to be right but wanting to be curious.
He uses this beautiful metaphor about understanding what parts of ourselves are in our front seat, back seat, and trunk as if our consciousness were a vehicle. He says the best leaders are the ones who are able to slide into the front seat with us to connect and build trust, which is, in large part, earned by sharing their own stories and leading themselves.
When I asked him, it was interesting. He said seeking deep understanding of another with the intention of connecting and supporting is in fact a spiritual practice. It was a lovely moment in the conversation about how each conversation creates safety and how we make deposits with each positive conversation with openness, vulnerability, and curiosity. He closes our conversation sharing his experience doing what scared him the most, namely skydiving. He encourages us to jump every day. I find in my conversations with him that he stimulates me to do more and to stretch, learn, grow, and think about what else may be possible. I hope you enjoy the conversation.
Welcome, Dr. James Smith, my old friend and colleague. It’s such a joy to have you with me on the show. How are you?
I am doing fantastic. The pleasure’s mine. Thank you for creating this opportunity for us to chop it up.
Chop it up indeed to scrimmage. You are in your office in the Philadelphia area.
Right outside of Philly. I’m in Mount Laurel, New Jersey. When people ask me where I was born and raised, I always say West Philadelphia.
It’s a beautiful place. It brings me back.
I was getting ready to say memories, huh?
James Journey In Spirituality
Indeed. Thank you for being here. I have shared a little bit about this show with you, but we haven’t really had conversations about this. We know each other a little bit differently, so I appreciate the openness and the trust. I’m excited to see where this might lead. One thing that I might ask you first is what interests you about spirituality in leadership.
I believe with the numerous changes we’ve had over the past several years, leadership has had to evolve as well. We’re living and working in a very tense time and a people-centric time. I believe leaders should look into this and spend time with spirituality so that they can enhance the quality of their leadership. It’s not even a new normal. It’s new changes every day.
Could you share a little bit about your journey and how you got to this place? I’ve known you through several iterations, incarnations, and re-embodiments. I have a lot of appreciation and respect for all of them. How did you get to this place where you are with your point of view about leadership?
As far back as I can remember, I always thought that there was something bigger than me and bigger than the universe. It is something that you can’t wrap your arms around. There’s a certain level of belief and consciousness that needs to be there. I was always told I was an old soul, but I spent a lot of time thinking about possibilities and thinking about what if. When you told me, “That’s not going to work,” I wanted to figure out why not.
I began to believe that there was something greater and bigger. At one point, I likened it to my religion. I’m Christian Baptist. I do know that some people are spiritual and not religious, so I get that. I’ve always played with possibilities. From a young age, I believed in the law of attraction. What you focus on grows. I live a life of being very positive. I have used my spiritual beliefs to keep me motivated and keep me at peace during times when they weren’t as peaceful as they could have been.
Curiosity In Leadership: I have used my spiritual beliefs to keep me motivated and at peace during times when they weren't as peaceful as they could have been.
Your spirituality and religion for you have supported you. It’s been something you can lean on. It’s something that can hold you up or keep you up.
Time and time again. It’s a deeper level of consciousness. Things have not always been great, but thinking positively, 9 times out of 10 things work out for me. That’s personal and professional. Everything is supposed to be what it’s supposed to be, but my greatest disappointment is I did not expect my son to be diagnosed as nonverbal and on the autistic spectrum. I didn’t see that coming.
I’m a speaker. I run my mouth for a living. I knew when my little guy came around when I was 44 years old that he would be mini-me, James Smith, Jr. 2.0, but that wasn’t in the plans. I had to be prayerful and thoughtful and be still to work out that experience. It wasn’t until I changed how I showed up and stopped looking for my big guy to change how he showed up that things began to get better. He’s still the same. He’s seventeen. I’m the one that had to make the shift. I shifted to focusing on what he could do and not on what he could not do.
That’s something that your spirituality and your foundation that way, does that word fit?
Yes.
It’s something that supports you.
The foundation was started a long time ago. My mother initiated it. My parents were divorced when I was eleven, so I didn’t have that father figure around other than going to church and seeing the pastor and other coaches in my life. From a young age, my mother put the Bible on my lap and started teaching me about faith and belief.
Connecting With People About Spirituality
You interact with a lot of people. You speak with a lot of groups all over the world. You’ve taught me and hundreds, if not thousands of people. How do you interact with them about ideas like this knowing that people are coming from very different places? You’re back from Asia. They don’t know from Baptists. How do you manage that so that you can be who you are and all of who you are without drawing a line, building fences or walls, or making people uncomfortable about it?
I do a lot of listening. I do a lot of asking of questions. I’m big on Stephen Covey’s tips. Seek to understand before you seek to be understood. I’m a learner. I believe the more I understand you, the more I understand us if there’s going to be an us. I do not throw out my beliefs, whether they are spiritual, religious, or political.
I focus on communication. I focus on the goal that we have set for each other. I believe if you focus on the goal and not the person and you focus on the behavior and not the person, things should be a lot more harmonious that we tend to take things personally and not professionally. I do a lot of listening, a lot of talking, and a lot of wanting to understand.
I’m curious to hear any story you might have. You can remember connecting deeply with someone from another culture, another spiritual practice, or another tradition. I don’t want to put you on the spot here. I’m sure you’ve got stories, and I know you tell stories.
I have plenty. The one that popped into my mind goes back to the early ‘90s. It was when I was working full-time for a major organization. I won’t give the name. They had started their diversity initiative and they wanted me to play a key role in the training, the content creation, and so forth. I didn’t jump at it right away because I didn’t want to be that Black guy who does diversity and I thought their initial answers for why me were not accurate. We finally got to the heart of that.
I remember going to a conference. It was called the American Association of Training and Development. It’s now called the Association of Talent and Development, ATD. I said, “I’m going to go to all the workshops that featured content on diversity. I’m going to be here for 3 or 4 days. I am going to the diversity, equity, and inclusion university.” That was my thought.
I remember after the first day getting back on the shuttle that was going back to the hotel, there was one other person on there. She was sitting toward the back. I looked at her, made some eye contact, and realized she had a red dot right on her forehead. I assumed it had something to do with her religion and beliefs. I didn’t know what it meant, so I went back to her and introduced myself.
I told her I was new to the world of diversity. I was like, “I’m looking to learn a lot this week at the conference. Would you mind telling me the red dot, what does that mean?” To connote again, I’m attempting to learn everything I can. She started laughing. She said, “I can’t believe this. We’re in the same boat. I’m brand new too. I’m going to go to sessions during the conference to do the same thing. I have a question for you. Should I call you Black or African-American?”
We sat on that shuttle bus going back and forth from the hotel to the conference center for a good hour, talking about our beliefs, asking questions, and creating some great conversation. We stayed in contact for several years after that. When you asked me what came to mind, that was the first story that came to mind.
I hear that story and I hear about the power of curiosity, openness, and non-judgment. It's a child-like curiosity like, “Please tell me your story. I want to learn.”
As children, we do a great job of that. As we get older, we start creating stories about what’s going to happen, so we don’t ask those questions anymore.
We’re afraid that we’re going to get it wrong. I remember watching a comedian talking about how it’s a good thing that if an adult were learning to walk, she would take a few steps, fall down, and say, “I’m not a walker.”
That’s it.
Kids don’t know enough to be judging themselves. They’re able to stand up and keep going and be like, “This is what I’m going to do. I’m doing this. I’m going to use these legs.”
I’m reminded of the zealous first graders and second graders raising their hands like, “Call me.” As adults, we may do this. We’re like, “This might not be what you’re looking for, but I’m going to take a stab at it.”
Spirituality In Leadership
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but part of your work is all about, “Bring me that ooh,” but that your organization needs it and the world needs it.
Life is not a spectator sport. It’s getting in. It’s getting messy. It’s getting dirty. It’s learning what to do and what not to do. I really believe in possibility thinking. One of my favorite quotes is, “Where most people see problems, I see possibilities. Where most people see obstacles, I see opportunities.” I’m a law of attraction guy. In The Matrix, one of my favorite movies of all time, it is being able to see what others don’t perceive exists like mindset and consciousness.
Life is not a spectator sport. It's getting messy and dirty and learning what to do and what not to do.
This show is focused on leaders at all levels in all kinds of work. That could be volunteer work. How have you seen leaders navigate these waters of spirituality, bringing the best of themselves while making it safe, inclusive, and inviting for others to bring the best of themselves? Perhaps even when you don’t have that luxury of time on the bus or you don’t have that luxury of one-to-one and you need to assert yourself, and you may not know where other people in the room are coming from. How have you seen leaders navigate this space?
It’s evolving. We used to have a more autocratic direct leadership style. We’ve seen that more prevalently of late. We’re not seeing the vulnerable, innovative, and creative leader that we’re going to see in the future, but it is shifting. We probably score a C if we were to measure leaders’ effectiveness and being able to navigate spirituality. Many leaders avoid it or, quite frankly, don’t believe in it.
There’s still a style of, “This is what I do,” or a style of, “Follow me as I show you how it’s done.” That’s even evolving too because of the Great Resignation and many people working from home. Leaders have to step into their vulnerability, their authenticity, and their wanting to listen to learn, not just to direct you left or right. It’s a new day, but I still think that leaders are still struggling with it.
When I did my research on authenticity, I was amazed by the number of senior leaders who say, “Depending on where I’m at, who I’m speaking to will determine the degree of authenticity that I’ll get to. Primarily with smaller groups, I’m more authentic. With larger groups, I’m more inclined to give the company line and company speak.”
When I hear you say that, I hear fear. Is that how that lands for you as well?
That holds true for me. Big-time fear. It’s a fear of not having control, fear of ambiguity, or fear of the unknown. It is fear perhaps feeling like they are an imposter. We’re getting into imposter syndrome. A lot of it, I believe, is cased with fear. We have to learn how to uncouple fear from ambiguity. People will lump them in together. I do hear fear.
We have to learn how to uncouple fear from ambiguity.
I hear you say, “Follow me,” and then I think about what you said earlier about the difference between the person and the behavior or the person and the goal. I wonder if we could talk about the distinction between, “Follow me, my personality, and me as an individual,” versus, “Let’s go together towards this goal.”
The first example, I don’t think it has lasting power. We can work for that narcissistic, tough drill sergeant boss for a period of time. After that, working for that person because we have to, not because we want to, is going to wane. I believe the successful leader, and you can use your own definition of successful, is one that cares for the people that are in his or her care. He or she is able to inspire, motivate, lift, and create an empowering environment. I don’t think an individual can empower someone. That person has to be self-empowered. You can create an environment where people thrive and look for ways to be the best possible version of themselves.
I know you do this time and time again in your work. What do you do and what have you seen leaders do to invite the best from others? What brings them into the arena?
Looking to build and establish trust. I’m looking to be vulnerable and looking to enhance the relationships of their team members. Part of that will involve them sharing more of who they are, their mission, and their personal beliefs and sharing when they fell down. They’re standing, which means they used some sort of recipe to bounce back or there was someone in their lives to help them bounce back.
I view it as a more authentic and more vulnerable leadership style where you are not coming across as the expert or perceived expert. I’m reminded of Kurt Cobain’s quote that says, “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” I believe that the leaders stepping into their authenticity will also step into other avenues of their lives that can help them become more empowering.
I love that quote. I love that Kurt Cobain makes it into this conversation. I wouldn’t expect that he would be the first, but here he is.
As someone who has spent more years than I like to admit people-pleasing, I take that to heart. I have torn up my president of the Philadelphia People-Pleasing Society. I got rid of it. No more subscriptions. I spent a lot of time putting other people first as well as their needs and their beliefs. When I did not, I was met with conflict and consternation. I turned into this passive-aggressive guy who, over the years, eventually found the right life GPS. I know what it’s like to go along, get along, and fake it until you make it that I have worn out.
On The New Generation Finding Meaning
My hand is raised when you talk about those people-pleasing days. Do you think that there are generational shifts happening? With your daughter who I continue to hear wonderful things about, do you think it’s different? Do you think that the generation coming up is a little bit less likely to fold into expectations or perceived expectations of how, what, and whom they’re supposed to be?
Both. I see this new generation as very witty, pithy, technology-centric, and very curious. They’re curious about self-understanding. I don’t think they are stereotyping here, but with regard to order and, “Do it because I say do it,” I don’t think that’s going to fly the way it once did.
I believe we have had a shift, and I believe with that shift, the younger generations will continue to search for meaning. I believe they are big-time searchers of meaning. I believe they would meet us Baby Boomers in the advocate place as well. We were advocates back in the ‘60s and ‘70s. I see a lot of advocacy work around inclusion happening.
The younger generations will continue to search for meaning. They are big-time searchers of meaning.
Perhaps advocacy work is one of these shared goals, like, “Let’s work together towards this goal,” as opposed to, “Follow me as an individual.” A goal is an inviting, shared, and inspirational goal for us to move towards together.
Especially if that leader creates that meaning and purpose, incorporating the team’s meaning and purpose and getting them to see their vision in his or her vision.
On the generational theme, I have another question. Do you think that your daughter’s generation is more or less likely or more or less willing to jump into a conversation about meaning, perhaps a conversation about spirituality, or even religion? Is that something that they’re more open to get into or perhaps it’s, “That’s our parents’ stuff. We don’t need to go there.”
My daughter would certainly leap into that conversation. However, it would be a conversation where she would want to be heard and understood, I believe, first because she has her beliefs. She has strong beliefs and she’s not afraid or apprehensive to express herself. She was raised to be expressive. As she has gotten older, she has decided to continue to be so. I see a lot of folks wanting to be heard, not necessarily wanting to hear.
Is that a welcome change? Is that a problem? Is that something that becomes difficult for leaders and organizations to manage because people want to be heard as opposed to they want to roll up their sleeves and get things done? What do we do with that?
I believe that too much of any one thing is too much. As a speaker, too much lecture, too much PowerPoint, or too many activities, there needs to be balance. I believe that if that leader creates that empowering environment, that’s going to create a two-way conversation where both sides would want to open up and share more of themselves. That’s the trend I’ve seen.
I believe the leader has to be the one who starts and goes first and is vulnerable to share thoughts about direction, professional development and growth, and perhaps where they fall short. It’s asking for feedback. The leader who does that is going to create a nonstop communication chain. What leader asks team members for praise, polish, and possibilities? Praise that she’s doing well, polish what they’re not doing well, and possibilities or examples for them to use to do it better going forward. I would not want to shut them down, but I would want to create a space where we both are looking to honor each other’s generation.
I’m reflecting. There’s so much of what you said. The leader has an opportunity to shift a conversation that way. When I hear you describe this behavior, what comes up for me is that is leadership. When anyone in the room begins that conversation and leans in that way, that’s leadership. It doesn’t need to be the person with the title or the person with, back in the day, the office, the gold watch, or whatever the symbol would’ve been. It could be the parking spot, but that’s insane to think of it that way.
You’re right.
That leadership behavior to begin that conversation is to invite people into that space, bring people together, and help all of us move forward. Is that how you see that?
The Car Model
I share this model when I do diversity, equity, and inclusion, it’s called the car model. I ask people to think about the personal items that they bring to the front seat, the back seat, and the trunk. The front seat would be sunglasses and your cell phone. The backseat maybe would be your coat and umbrella. The trunk would be emergency items, an extra pair of sneakers, golf clubs, and whatever.
I believe that those items that are front seat for us are extremely important. That’s why they’re in the front seat. Our sunglasses change the water. I believe backseat items are not as important, but they need to be able to be reached. Hence, coat, map, or briefcase. In our trunk is emergency.
We take those personal items that we put in the car and place them with elements of diversity like gender, sexual orientation, age, thinking style, and race and find out what’s significant, which would be front seat. We’re able to have front-seat conversations. If you are in my front seat as my boss, you’re getting to know me, and rest assured, I’m getting to know you as well.
Physical ability is in my front seat. Neurodiversity is in my front seat. I mentioned to you I have a son who is nonverbal. I am 62 years old. Age is in my front seat. Race is in my front seat. To get to know me is to have front-seat conversations if you were the leader. In my 14 years of corporate, I only had 1 leader who had gotten in my front seat and I was in hers. I worked for that organization for 3 years, so 11 years out of 14, I did not have a compelling, strong, authentic, and vulnerable relationship with my managers.
When you say that leader got into your front seat, meaning you could comfortably sit side by side and relate to one another around those things that were most important to you?
Yes. Even in everyday conversation not editing our thoughts and truly wanting to get to know me by opening up herself for me to get to know her. She knew me so well that she knew I loved boxing. When a boxing match was coming on HBO, Showtime, or one of those channels, she would let me know like, “Fight tonight,” or, “Fight on Friday,” or, “Fight on Saturday.” She didn’t pay extra money. She wasn’t making money from the organization or increasing her budget. She got to know me. She said that one day, I would be a speaker and consultant and that I would get too bored with corporate. She’s right. I spread my wings.
I love that metaphor. For some of the ideas that are kicked around in this show around spirituality, for some people, their spirituality could be front and center. It could be where the fuzzy dice are in the rearview mirror. It could be that it’s not relevant. I’d love to hear about your experience with this. What I’ve found is that sometimes, I’m not even aware of what’s in my front seat and what’s not until I encounter another person.
For example, I’m speaking with someone and, all of a sudden, they’re very out there with their own religious beliefs. It’s not that I have a problem with that, but it surprises me. All of a sudden, for me, it’s like, “I’m recognizing that that may be in the backseat today.” I don’t know that I could be in the front seat together with that person on that issue, but I also recognize that’s where they are with that. If I’m curious and I’m open, I could be like, “Let me slide in next to you. I have some questions,” for sure.
Even something, for example, like disability, sometimes sexual orientation, or things that I may not think about until someone shows up or my son shows up and his girlfriend’s a different race or is disabled that I could tell. I may or may not be able to tell. All of a sudden, that dimension of diversity is somewhere in my car and I didn’t even realize it.
We all have maps, but our maps cannot be everyone’s territory. It’s listening and choosing whether you want to listen even more. The choice is so important. I like to say when we’re young, we look a lot like our parents, but when we get older, we look a lot like our choices. Hopefully, we’ll make the right choice and be accountable and responsible for our behaviors and actions.
When we're young, we look a lot like our parents but when we get older, we look a lot like our choices.
As we get older, sometimes, we look like our parents’ choices.
Indeed. I believe if you want to create that environment of trust and authenticity, you have to live what you give. You have to live it. People are very learned and they have shorter attention spans. There’s distance sometimes. You’re not going to have as much access as you always wanted to as you had in the past. Access is not the same. There’s too much going on. There’s too much technology. People are going from meeting to meeting. Pretty soon, businesses aren’t going to have addresses because everyone’s working remotely.
Promoting Access And Connection
Say more about access. What can leaders do? What can any of us do in an organizational setting to promote access? When I hear access, the word that comes up for me is attention or holding space. What can we do given the shift towards remote work, etc.? What can we do to promote and drive access where, practically speaking, it’s not as available or maybe it is?
I think about the energy that many display when it comes to social media. They’re going to make sure they’re TikToking. They’re going to make sure they’re Instagramming, Facebooking, or LinkedIn-ing. You name the platform. There is a certain energy around that. I believe a similar energy should be held by leaders who want to connect with and make time for it.
Whether it’s phone, Zoom, Teams, email, or text, there are a number of lanes to that person’s mindset and heartset. We should consider having purposeful and very intentional energy to connect with people in myriad ways since we no longer have to get up and walk down the hall to the other person’s office like we once had. Use a variety of tools when you can’t see that person face to face.
I love that you’re talking about this theme of connection. That’s been a theme in the early episodes of this show about connection. In fact, for some, as I’ve heard it described to me, that’s really what the spirituality piece is all about. Tell me about some of the myriad of ways. Tell me about some of the technologies that may have nothing to do with physical technology that promote our connecting with one another.
For me, many of the people that I’ve connected with professionally have been done via books, articles, and spending quality time with them in the evening or during lunch. I said it earlier. The tool of listening, learning, and not wanting to be right or not into a right fight. A right fight is fighting to be right. Also, words. My love language is touch, words of understanding, and words of appreciation. I love those types of conversations where I get to know what’s in your front seat. I do get to know what’s important to you. I get to know the problem you solve and help you solve that problem, but it’s getting to know you and not being afraid of being vulnerable and sharing what I don’t know.
Continue to be that man on the bus.
That’s the way we were when we were young. I want to know. I want to understand so I can be a better person. I’m the CEO of my own company. If I don’t know the answer, it’s not going to crush our brand. I don’t know the answer, but I’ll get it for you. I don’t think leading is a beauty contest. You’re going to get dirty if you choose to really get to know your people in an authentic way and, for me, in a spiritual way. I believe there’s something that’s out there that’s bigger than us. I can’t smell it. I can’t touch it. I can feel it, and it drives me.
When you talk about getting to know people in a spiritual way, does that mean something like exploring that beyond? We’re getting into this other realm here, but it’s practical, important, and real. I’d love to hear you describe what that is. If you’re talking about knowing somebody in the spiritual way, does that mean in the deeper, less physical? I’m going to be quiet.
For me, it’s possibility thinking. It's the law of attraction. It’s the belief that there is something out there that’s bigger. Having those conversations where I want to understand. Even as a speaker, a coach, and an author, just because I understand your perspective doesn’t mean I agree, but at least I understand where you’re coming from. That will help me be a better leader and will help our professional relationship be better. It’s built around trust.
I hear a lot of practicality in what you’re talking about. We will work better together if we know each other in this way or if we’ve had this type of conversation.
I believe so. I want to be able to come to work and bring the man, the father, the Fantasy Football guy, the Eagles guy, and the writer. I want to be able to bring all of me. I didn’t always feel like that when I was in corporate. Some people call it code-switching or covering. I did what I thought I needed to do to be safe and fit in. In a way, that’s trick or treating every day, not just on October 31st, and putting that mask on.
I want to create an environment where people feel free to be the best versions of themself and not move into what I call the impropriety threshold for authentic expression. Every organization has its corporate values, norms, and mores. If your level of authentic expression is in violation of those corporate norms, values, and mores, then you’re on the impropriety threshold for authentic communication. You could be an authentic jerk or an authentic narcissist. Threshold’s not going to protect you there.
Outside of that, I want to encourage people to bring the best versions of themselves. I believe authenticity is a matter of more or less, not either or. Either you’re more authentic or less authentic given the situation. For the folks who believe in spirituality or spiritual leadership, expression will be enhanced with the lack of fear, community, and empowerment.
Do you think that speaking with colleagues and speaking with someone at work and doing our best to understand who they are and what motivates them is a spiritual exercise?
It’s a number of exercises. It’s enhancing communication. It can be a communication exercise. It can be an inclusion exercise. It can be a spiritual exercise. It could be a peaceful exercise. It’s wanting to understand what makes you tick and what you believe in. I’ve always been open to learning and truly wanting to understand why that element of diversity is in your front seat, but also wanting to understand why it’s in your trunk.
Our life experiences are different. We may have those elements in similar places or we may not, and that’s okay. Let’s talk about it. Why do you think about race? Why don’t I think about gender? Why don’t I think about sexual orientation? Why do I think about religion and spirituality all the time? It’s an exercise that could satisfy or bring to fruition a number of ideas related to effective communication and relationships.
When I hear you talk about this, what I’m recognizing is that the open conversation is the relationship. I’ve heard people say that the conversation is the relationship. Curiosity and openness create safety and opportunities.
You’re making deposits. When it’s time to withdraw, the bank’s open because you made a number of deposits, or the relationship is open.
The banker will take your call.
That’s why I say leaders, lead first. Share what’s in your front seat before you ask what’s in their front seat. Be the vulnerable one. You take the risk and see that as not as risky a task as you thought.
It could be anyone at any level. To the extent that leaders feel uncomfortable or afraid to do that, that’s our work to do. That’s my work to do. If I feel like I’m holding back, perhaps there’s something in that paradigm that has to do with spirituality in some way or perhaps there isn’t. That’s the opportunity. It’s the race to vulnerability in relationships.
I spend a lot of time being still, whether it’s meditating, eyes closed, or lying down. I am thinking things into fruition, seeing it happening, and changing the story. When something happens to us, we create a story, and that story is typically negative. It’s getting rid of the story, staying in the moment, and believing that you’re going to be okay. I do it a lot. I learned about it doing that in college. A football coach would always tell us to do some meditation or visualization before the game or before practice. I’ve been doing it for a long time.
I knew that the Eagles would come up in this conversation. I knew that your wonderful experience with your champion football team would come into play. Was that meditation visualization about performance? Was it about imagining yourself making this play or responding in a certain way, or was it something less specifically performance-based than that? I’m curious.
Many times, it’s performance-based, whether it is professional or personal. It’s being still and seeing myself doing what I want to do correctly. Even when I went skydiving, I saw myself reluctantly jumping, but I didn’t see myself jumping in and landing safely. Even though I was overwhelmed by the 15,000 feet of air, I was about to jump. It’s performance and it’s living.
It’s participation.
That’s a great term. It’s participation. It’s living, not existing. It’s participation and believing that things are going to turn out.
It’s such a beautiful example of deliberately and purposefully changing my point of view.
As the author and leader that I am and I’m standing on stages and platforms, sharing my truths and my opinions, I have to live what I give or I’d be a hypocrite. That’s one of the reasons why I went skydiving. My number one fear is heights. I said, “Jump in.”
What was your experience with that?
Probably the most afraid to do something I’ve been in my entire life. That was really living. I’m like, “ You got to do it.” I didn’t tell a lot of people. I remember the date. It was August 18th, 2018, 8/18/18. It’s ironic that I was raised as a gentleman because when we were getting on the plane, I let everyone on first. I was the last one to get on. I was the last one on and the first one off. It’s a funny story, but a story around belief, faith, and the law of attraction. I’ve been telling people for years I was going to do it, and finally, someone held my feet to the fire.
Enough of that talk. Was it a positive experience?
Absolutely. That brought in another metaphor for life. I told my mentor that I did it. I thought that she was going to be as ecstatic as I was. She said, “You do crazy things all the time.” In your role as a leader, you can teach people how to jump off the plane every day. You can teach people how to jump into starting their own company, jump into writing that book, or jump into rebranding their organization. Jump into having that challenging conversation that you’ve put on hold for years. Teach them how to jump. Every day is a waitlist. You’re waiting to do something. Jump every day.
Reach Out To James
Thank you for jumping into this conversation with me. I appreciate it. Let me ask you to share with whoever may be reading. What’s the best way to reach you if someone wants to continue this conversation, and what should they be reaching you about other than all this wisdom you have to share?
Two ways. Website, www.DrJamesSmithJr.com, or social media @DrJamesSmithJr. Please reach out to discuss issues of presentation, skills, authenticity, and leadership, but primarily authenticity, presentation skills, how to make lights-out presentations, and how to be compelling, life-changing, game-changing, and so forth. I’m @DrJamesSmithJr on social media and LinkedIn as well. The website is DrJamesSmithJr.com.
Thank you for turning the lights on so brightly in this conversation. I appreciate that and look forward to continuing the conversation with you as always.
Thank you for the opportunity. I really appreciate it. You take care.
Thank you.
Important Links
LinkedIn - Dr. James Smith, Jr. CSP (Certified Speaking Professional)